Ta Da!

Just wanted to show you what I saw as I drove by our house today...

We're just waiting for a few little details to get taken care of and then we'll have a closing date. Oh, and when I asked about taking possession before closing so we could get some painting done and get new carpet laid in Joshua's bedroom, our realtor said it shouldn't be a problem. He said, "It could probably happen this weekend if you want!" Yippee!! I don't know if we're ready for it to happen this weekend, but I'm pretty sure it's going to happen soon. We'll keep you updated!

And because I know the hardcore Joshua fans (read: Auntie Jodi) are going to send me nasty emails if I don't put a picture of Josh up...here you go.

TWO teeth!

Nope, not trying to catch flies, this is how Joshua tells you he wants to kiss you. I just got done getting about 50 wet, slobbery, wonderful kisses from him. Mmm, mmm good! He's apparently very excited about the house as well. :)

Songs for Joshua - Week 2

Songs are such an emotional thing for me. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've had to sit in my car to finish crying & touch up my makeup after I hear a song on the radio that touches me. This week's song is one that really got me going this week. Every time I heard it, there were buckets of tears because I could really identify with it...even though it's about a daddy & a little girl.

Joshua has been having trouble sleeping. At first, it was just at night. Now, it's naptime as well. And when he's overtired and crying and I'm at the end of my rope, I remember that it's not going to be like this forever. He's growing so fast and sometimes I feel like I'm missing it. Like it's going too fast for me to really remember & enjoy each moment. So I have to remind myself to enjoy every moment. The moments when he's happy and laughing and the moments when he's crying and miserable. Because it won't be like this for long.

(If it doesn't load, click the pop-out player button and it'll open in a new window)

"It Won't Be Like This For Long" - Darius Rucker

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Laying there in bed listening
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laughing
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby, just hold on
It won't be like this for long

Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says, now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two

It won't be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won't even know your gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long

Someday soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she up and crying
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watching her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows


It won't be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
So he's trying to hold on
Cause won't be like this for long
It won't be like this for long

Thoughtful Thursday Songs for Joshua

There's a thing many people are choosing to do on their blogs called Wordless Wednesday. They post a picture with no words or no explaination. I thought about doing it, but come on...do you really think I could post something with no words?! That's like asking me to talk without using my hands. Simply impossible. So I've chosen to do something different. I was going to call it 'Thoughtful Thursday', but I just couldn't get past the cheesiness of it. So I'm refusing to use alliteration and just going with what it is.

I have a playlist of songs that I play for Joshua when he's fussy or tired or needs a change of pace. He LOVES music and he still sings along when I sing to him. So I've decided to share my playlist with you. I'm going to post one a week, along with the lyrics and some of my thoughts. Ok, I'll come clean. I'm not sharing the songs with you because I think you really care about what songs I sing to Joshua. This website has been a useful tool in sharing all that is happening with Josh, but it has become more than that for me. It's Joshua's virtual baby book. His real baby book has been packed and I've yet to see it surface. So every entry serves as a reminder for me of things I want to write down and put in his baby book. Someday. Hopefully. :) I want to remember these songs and what they mean to me right now and it just so happens that you get to participate in my attempt at remembering. So here goes...

"Every Moment" - Joy Williams

This song isn't so much for Joshua as it is for me. It's a reminder to cherish and remember every moment of every day with Joshua because all too soon day becomes night and another day is gone.

(If the playlist doesn't open, click the pop-out button and it'll open in a new window.)

We laughed out loud ‘til we cried
And the tears were sweet
Midnight melted to morning
A moment faded to memory
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…

Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that
You can

We move on with no regrets to our destiny
Held by the hands of the Father
We share His love and He leads us through
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…

Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that
You can

Running through yesterday into tomorrow
Don’t let it just drift away
Forget about tying the hands of time
Give every minute to the One who gave us today

Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that
You can

What A Difference!

I'm constantly surprised when I look back at pictures of Josh at how much he's grown & changed. The difference a few months makes is really incredible! Just look at these pictures -

Daddy & Joshua (3 months old)


Daddy & Joshua (7 months old)


The other big change in Joshua is the emergence of his SECOND TOOTH! Both bottom teeth are now through. It makes nights so much more fun now that his teeth hurt & he can't sleep through the pain. Oh so much more fun. :) He's also seemed to have a little language explosion. He regularly sounds like a little pirate motorboat "aahhhhggggrrrbbbbb". When I ask him to say mama, he either laughs or says "aaaaaa". Hey, "aaaaaa" is halfway there! :)

Welcome to Holland.

I just found this essay online and wanted to share it with you.

Welcome To Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland."

How perfect is that?! You know, I've been to Italy. And it is beautiful, breathtaking and wonderful. I'd love to visit again someday, if you get my drift....but for now, I'm really happy being in Holland. :)

Happy Halloween!

Last week, we had an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. It was a good meeting and we really liked the doctors Joshua saw. They'll continue to follow him, along with his regular pediatrician, for as long as he needs them. We knew from research and from what other doctors have told us that Joshua would likely have some sort of permanent disability, and hearing the doctors give a concrete diagnosis was both a relief and really hard. The doctor told us that after Joshua is a year old he will most likely be diagnosed with spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy. They don't diagnose until after a year because of the incredible amount of growth and changes in the muscles in the first year. Spastic cerebral palsy is the most common type of cerebral palsy, accounting for nearly 80 percent of all cerebral palsy cases. Children with this type of cerebral palsy have one or more tight muscle groups which limit movement. In Josh's case, all four limb/muscle groups are involved, hence the 'quadriplegic' classification. Children with spastic cerebral palsy have stiff and jerky movements and they often have a hard time moving from one position to another. They may also have a hard time holding and letting go of objects.

A good friend asked me how the diagnosis affected me, how I was dealing with it. My answer was that I have good days and bad days. Truthfully, the thing that I have the hardest time with is not the diagnosis or knowing that my son will have a physical disability. The thing I have the hardest time dealing with is my fear for Joshua. I'm afraid that he will be made fun of and be called names. I'm afraid he won't be able to run around the yard or ride a bike or go rock climbing with his dad. I'm afraid he won't find a woman who will look past his disability and fall in love with him. I'm afraid that he will only see his disability and lose sight of how wonderful and perfect and valuable he is.

But regardless of my fears for him, I will never stop believing in Joshua and all that he is going to accomplish as he grows up and walks through this world. I believe with all my heart that he will serve as an incredible witness in his lifetime and that God will be glorified through his actions. Both Ben and I will support him in everything he does and tries and we will help him accomplish all of his goals any way we can. And it could be so, so much worse. He could have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Cerebral palsy won't kill him, it will only slow him down a little bit.

Ok. I'm going to end on a high note. Joshua has teeth! Well, he has a tooth but the second one isn't far behind. :) See?

It was one year ago today we found out that we were having a little boy. I remember so clearly the shock and awe and excitement that came with that ultrasound. Now, every day is filled with awe and excitement (and sometimes shock too! A diaper after a meal of sweet potatoes is a sight to behold!) as we watch Joshua grow. Just look at the difference a year makes!!

October 31, 2007: October 31, 2008: Hahaha! I bought this costume last October when it was on super-de-duper clearance. I just knew our baby was going to be cute enough to pull it off! Happy Halloween everyone! :)

ps...

Josh had a doctor's appointment on Friday. He got a flu shot (didn't even flinch!) and we found out that he is 16 lbs, 10 oz and 26 inches long. His head is still 3rd percentile.

Oh...and he's cutting his two bottom teeth. Cutting as in you can feel them! My little boy has teeth!

A Bunch of Updates

Ok, ok, ok Auntie Jodi & honorary Auntie Diana...keep your pants on. Here's some pictures and an update.

First, a few non-Joshua things to update you on. We're still waiting for our mortgage committment letter from the lender. Once we get the letter, we'll be able to set our closing date. Once we have that date, I'll let you know. I was going to wait until we closed to post a picture of the house, but I just can't stand not showing it off! It's small and sweet and will be a wonderful place to raise our little bug.

The only picture I have of the inside is one of the kitchen. Aside from the bathroom, it's the only other room that isn't four blank walls and a floor. And the bathroom...well, that will be a whole post in and of itself. I'll simply tell you that there is tile. Lots of black & yellow tile. The floor kind of makes you a little dizzy. :) So here's my TINY kitchen. To the right of the stove is the dining area & to the left is the garage. One of the first things we'll be doing is painting the cabinets!

Next order of business...Ben's third trip to Casa Vin'Arte to see his baby. This visit took all of 10 minutes and consisted of transferring the wine from one big glass carboy to another. Next visit is filtering, and then we get to bottle it and bring it home!
Ok, that's all the non-Joshua updates. Here's what you really visit this site for. :) My youngest sister, Gina, surprised mom by coming for a visit. :) I deserve a gold medal (or at least a few cookies!) for keeping that secret for so long! It was her first chance to meet Joshua (she's pregnant and didnt' want to risk coming sooner in case she caught CMV from Joshua) and they both seemed pretty taken with one another. I'm so glad you came, G! Joshua misses you. :)

Joshua & Auntie Gina from Jamie Nodine on Vimeo.

While Gina was here, we had a baby shower for her and Jodi came up to spend some time as well. Gina got lots of wonderful things for her baby, including this wonderful hand knit hat from her friend, KT. I asked KT to make one for Joshua, so hopefully I'll get that soon and put up pictures. It was such a beautiful weekend here, we decided to go apple picking and enjoy being outside. Joshua, as usual, loved it.

Josh's therapy continues to go well, he is getting stronger and more able to do things each week. He is reaching for things and trying to touch everything! YAY! He's gotten really good with his left hand. He's obesessed with putting it in mouths. :) If you have a mouth, he has a hand to go in it. Jumping is still his favorite activity, followed closely by standing and taking steps (while completely supported of course!).The other thing he's obsessed with is lights. Light fixtures, light bulbs, anything that shines. Sometimes he'll stop mid jump to look at the light fixture in the dining room! Ben thinks he's going to be an electrician. Aunt Jodi says he may be the next Louis Comfort Tiffany! Whatever he will be, I love watching him develop into it. :)

When Cousins Attack!

This series of photos makes me laugh every time I see them. Notice how innocent Timothy looks. But we all know that looks can be deceiving. Here they are posing for a picture with grandpa - Sitting there all nice and then BAM! Just look at how my nephew attacks my son! :) Poor Joshua is defenseless (and apparently surprised) by Timothy's attempt to remove his shirt!HAHAHAHA! Ok, so maybe I rearranged the photos a little to frame poor Timmy. In reality, Timothy is so , so gentle with Josh. Every time they get together, Timothy strokes Josh's arm or his face. He's such a sweet little boy. Sorry I framed you, Timmy! Auntie Jamie loves you. :)

After grandpa was done with the boys, Josh got in some snuggle time with his great-grandpa while Timothy cruised around the house. That little boy can really move!

Joshua's therapy continues to go well. I am so impressed with how fast he's learning and changing. He's recently started reaching with both hands and putting things in his mouth. He tries really hard to get the pacifier in his mouth and I have no doubt that in a few weeks he'll have it down. He still loves to stand & jump and will even take a few steps if you lead him!

A typical therapy session with Joshua's OT, Rochelle, usually starts off with some stretching and moves into play. We work on sitting and his core strength, work on reaching and grasping, work on laying on his tummy and even crawling! Last week, Joshua "crawled" across the living room. It wasn't a true crawl, but he was doing reciprocating leg movements which was awesome! He sort of pushed himself across the carpet with his legs, but his arms were still down & his cheek was on the carpet. :) Funny image, huh?

The introduction of food continues to go well with one little hitch. In the past week, Joshua has only had two dirty diapers (and they've both made me gag/nearly throw up!). I'm calling this little hitch Poopwatch '08. :) I've tried giving him straight apples, straight pears, pear juice, apple juice...all the things that are supposed to make babies go. So we decided to try sitting in a warm bath. While it didn't make Joshua poop, he did enjoy the experience.

Rebecca, I know how you love the rolls, so this picture is just for you:

Even with the lack of poop in his life, Joshua continues to be a very happy boy. He loves being outside in this crisp fall weather and continues to be the light of our lives. :)

Does anyone else think that my son resembles Mater, from "Cars"? It's the first thing I thought when I took this picture! Even if he does look like a rusty old tow truck from time to time, he's still my little stud muffin and the cutest baby on the planet!!

Never Say Never!

God has a funny sense of humor. He always gives us what we need. And what He gives us is always, always, always better than what we could have imagined. Let me give you a few examples...

When I was 16, I wanted a car. But I had requirements for my car. It couldn't be white, couldn't be a 2-door, couldn't be standard. I would never drive a standard white 2-door! I mean, there are so many cars for sale out there, I was sure I could find something to meet my needs...as long as it wasn't white, wasn't a 2-door, wasn't standard. Fast forward a few months and what was I driving down the road in? A 1988 Nissan Sentra. To be more specific, it was a standard, white, 2-door Nissan Sentra. And I loved it.

When I thought about the children that I would have someday, I pictured them with dark hair, big eyes & bright smiles. But I also had requirements for my children. I didn't want a child who was either mentally or physically disabled. I mean, I just couldn't handle that! I worked in a special ed. classroom right out of college and that was so very frustrating for me. And I was afraid that I would pity my child if they were somehow handicapped. So I'd just take a healthy, perfectly normal child, thank you very much. Fast forward a few years and who is the light of my life? A little boy with dark hair, big eyes & a smile that is brighter than the sun. To be more specific, he is a little boy with dark hair, big eyes, a smile brighter than the sun with a great possibility of a permanent physical or mental disability. And I wouldn't change a thing about him.

When Ben and I discussed the type of home we wanted to buy someday, we pictured homes that we could raise a family in. But we had requirements for our home. Sometimes some requirements conflicted with other requirements! Ben didn't want to be in the center of town, but I didn't want to be too far away from things. Ben wanted a large plot of land but neither of us wanted to do lots of yard work. We wanted an older home with character that we could fix up and make ours, but we didn't want to have to fix it up before we moved in and then spend all our time & money fixing things. I couldn't even consider a house without a dishwasher, garbage disposal and lots of counter space. We didn't want a little tiny house. We both said we never wanted a ranch style home. We wanted a two car (or more!) garage. We didn't want less than three bedrooms. We were starting to think we'd never own a home (but if you take a quick look at the title of this post, you'll see that we're learning never to say never!!). Fast forward to Saturday, October 4, and what did we do? We put an offer in on a 1,025 square foot, two bedroom, one bath ranch with a 1 car garage and an outdated kitchen with no dishwasher, no garbage disposal and very little counter space. Two hours after putting the offer in, it was accepted!! And we're thrilled. I'll give you more details when we get further into the closing process and have more to tell. :)