New Adventures

One year ago today I was awake long before I should have been and spent much of the morning in tears.  I was torn between happiness and sadness, and more than a little bit afraid. I was mourning the loss of all of my alone time with Joshua, but excited about meeting our second son.  Last year, we were getting ready to head to the hospital to become a family of four.

Today I was awake long before I should have been and have spent much of the morning in tears.  I'm torn between happiness and sadness, and more than a little bit afraid.  I'm watching my baby grow up far too quickly, and am alternately sad and excited about his next step.  Today I dropped my oldest son, my Joshua, off at preschool. 

He is attending an integrated preschool about 20 minutes from home. We're familiar with the building - Josh has been having pool PT there this past year. My heart is still fearful though. What if they don't understand his signs? What if he bites someone out of frustration? What if they give a snack and he chokes? What if he hates it but can't tell us? There are so many questions, so much I'm unsure of. And I hate the loss of control. Up until now, for the past three years, I've watched therapy. I've encouraged therapists to push him a little further or stepped in when the therapist is pushing too hard. I've been Joshua's shield. And now, I'm learning to let go. Josh can usually feel my hesitation or fear, and I won't have him burdened with that. So I put on a smile, told him how fun it was going to be, snapped a picture...and I left. Two and a half hours later, I counted the seconds until I could pick him up again. He was all smiles and his classroom aides gave me nothing but glowing reports. He even tried to kiss a few girls. It seems that there was nothing to worry about...everyone speaks the language of love. :)