Three posts in one day?! Are you kidding me?? I'm not going to give you specifics, but I'll just leave it at this...I've had plenty of time to catch up and post this morning, because I got a whole bunch of sleep last night. And that's all I'm saying on that subject.
Joshua was sick yesterday. Sick with a horrible somethingoranother that filled his diaper (and by filled, I actually mean bypassed completely and went up his back and down his legs) with something that I'm pretty sure could be used as a biological weapon of mass destruction. And just to be a little more graphic (sorry...I've had too much sleep...my brain doesn't quite know how to handle it)...it smelled like a horrible combination of rotten eggs and rotten goat's milk. I'm gagging just thinking about it. Aren't you glad you visited this blog today? :) So after three outfit changes, and entire box of wipes and a bath (all before noon), we just layed low. Nana came over after work to give me a break and some time to clean up a bit. She made Joshua a "sick bed" and played with him on the floor for a bit. Once Josh was feeling better, he filled his belly with bananas and then did some jumping. He likes to jump on you while you're laying down...the only problem with this is the fact that starts on your sternum and then he jumps forward. Right onto your neck. And chokes you with his toes. And sometimes, he jumps right onto your face! Poor nana. Good thing Joshua likes to give kisses to make up for all that jumping... "Ok mama...no more pictures."
Ben's birthday is this weekend and we're planning some family time away...I'll tell you all about it next week. :) Talk to you then!
Last week in therapy, Joshua worked on picking up individual Cherrios! Josh did great with raking and picking them up, but getting them to his mouth was a whole different story.
"Um, so now that I have it, what do you want me to do with it?"
"Put it in my mouth?! Are you nuts? It's crunchy! And hard! There's no way I'm putting it in my mouth. I'll just put it over here for safe keeping..."
Let's just say that nibbling on Cherrios is a work in progress. :)
We went to Red Creek last weekend to watch daddy & Uncle Brian (& a few others too) start on the second story of Uncle Brian's house. It was a terribly hot day so we spent most of it inside with Auntie Carly & Timmy.
We watched some VeggieTales...
Played on the floor for a while...
Watched Timmy's fish for a little bit...
Got some good snuggles in with Auntie Carly... And played with Timmy's music table. All in all, it was a great day. We can't wait to see how the house turns out! There's going to be lots more room to play soon! :)
Ben: "I can't be in charge of our child anymore." Jamie: "Why?" Ben: "I keep injuring him." (Yesterday, Josh split his lip while Ben was watching him) Jamie: "What happened? Did you drop him?" Ben: "No...." Jamie: "Did you hit his head on something?" Ben: "Not really..." Jamie: "Well then what happened?" Ben: "Well...I was trying to swat a deer fly off his head and I cut his head open." Jamie: "WHAT?!" Ben: "I didn't mean to!" Jamie: "Well I know you didn't mean to, but I mean, how bad is it?" *Goes to look at Joshua* Jamie: "OH MY GOSH!" Ben: "I know."
An hour later, I was tossing Joshua in the air...and he proceeded to throw up all of his dinner and juice. :(
Needless to say, mommy, daddy and Joshua are not having a good evening! Let's hope tomorrow will be better!
Last night, we were at Auntie Kim's & Uncle Mike's house to celebrate Grammie's birthday. Joshua and I were sitting in the living room, practicing sitting and playing on the carpet. When all of a sudden...Joshua got up on his hands and knees...and stayed up there while he rocked!!!!
Let me say it again...HE GOT UP ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES AND STAYED UP WHILE HE ROCKED!
HE STAYED UP FOR A FULL 20 SECONDS OR SO!!!
HE WAS ON ALL FOURS...UNASSISTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We tried to get a picture of it on Ben's phone, but couldn't in time. So today, over at Nana's for dinner, we convinced him to try it again. And while he didn't stay up for more than a few seconds, it was enough to grab a not-so-good picture of it for proof.
Of course, we have our serious moments...and sometimes there's crying. I don't have any recent crying pictures because the camera usually nips those in the bud. (Although there is plenty of "crying" when he finishes breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I say "crying" because it's usually fake. Oh, our son is a master fake crier. He can even work up tears! But he usually gives himself away when he looks out of the corner of his eye at you to see if the "crying" is having any effect.) But if you really need a picture to go along with this part of the post, you can just imagine Ben and I crying when Joshua has been up 5 times between 9pm and 1am. That happens alot.
But mostly, it's all fun and games with Joshua...All smiles... and definitely lots of giggles...Yep, that's how my days usually go.
We've been teaching Joshua sign language. So far, he has 'eat' down perfectly. Are you surprised? :) He uses 'eat' for hungry and thirsty, so it takes a little bit of deductive reasoning to tell whether he's hungry or wants some water. He also knows the sign for 'mama'....although that looks exactly like 'eat' too. I can never tell if he is hungry/thirsty or if he just wants me. We're working on that though. His most recent sign acquisition is the sign for 'daddy' (which is an open hand with your thumb tapped on the temple area, kind of like you're pretending to be a moose). And while it may not look pretty, I was thrilled that Joshua asked all day yesterday for daddy.
On a walk last night, we came across a nice little playground and decided that it was high time Josh went down the slide. He seemed to enjoy it!
Finally, this was Joshua sitting at his 12 month appointment...This was Joshua sitting at a doctor's visit last week (just turned 16 months)...Can you see the difference? :)
Yesterday, we went for a walk in Mendon Ponds Park. It's the largest park in our county (2500 acres!) and has lots of paths and trails to walk. Apparently, in 1969 it was named to the National Registry of Historical Landmarks "due to it's geologic history and presence of significant kames, eskers, and kettles". I don't think we saw any kames, eskers or kettles, but we did see lots of beautiful flowers, trees & wildlife. And we spent some great time together as a family.
(Nana picked a little bouquet for Joshua. He took them and then promptly threw them overboard to the ground. He is such a boy. :))
I'm always amazed when people tell me that I handle Joshua's disability so well. It floors me. Maybe I should've gone into acting! Obviously, I have a gift for it. But the truth is that some days are better than others. And those people must catch me on a good day. Because some days, on the good days, I look at Joshua and forget that he is delayed. I forget that most families don't have to work their schedule around four different therapists, four different specialists and a pediatrician. I forget that he has microcephaly which has deep and lasting repercussions. I forget all the stuff that is scary and fills me with sadness. The majority of my days are like that.
But then there are the days that creep up on me and hit me over the head with reality and fill me with grief. The days where I realize that my son is not "normal" according to our society's standards, and likely never will be, are the worst. I've had alot of those kinds of days lately.
He is trying to talk. Trying so, so hard. But I can't understand what he is saying. He looks at me and says something and then waits. Waits for me to understand. When I don't get it, he repeats it. He repeats it and stares me in the eye trying to get his point across. And I don't understand. This goes on and on until he just stops trying. And my heart breaks.
On Tuesday morning, we took him for a CT scan because I noticed some ridging on the top of his head. The results of the CT scan showed that there is some premature fusing of the sutures in his skull. That means that his skull will not be able to grow & stretch in that spot as his brain grows because of the ossification. Josh's pediatrician assured me that all the other sutures are open and they will grow & stretch to accomodate any growth. But it hurts that he had to say if there is any growth. And it kills me that Joshua's CT scan reports that his brain is small. It's not like I didn't know that, but I guess hearing it from a report is just hard. It's that kind of thing that is a slap in the face and reminds me of Joshua's prognosis.
The funny part about all of this is that never once have I wished Joshua to be any different than he is. I'm so unbelievably thankful for him, as he is, that I've never wanted him to be without any of those things that make him him. I have, however, wished that he would never have to experience the comments or the looks he'll have to endure. I've wished that he wouldn't have to experience the cruelty that he will encounter. But never that he be changed or different. I have had people tell me that they are praying that Joshua will be healed. That makes me incredibly angry. Angry to the point that I can't even speak. Why would they ask the God who created Joshua, as he is supposed to be, to change our little one?! Why would they request that God change my son? Is Joshua not perfect just as he is? I wonder if they have they ever prayed that God change the hair color or their eye color or another child. Have they petitioned God to make themselves taller or shorter? Have they ever spent time in prayer asking that God change the size of the feet or nose of their brother, sister, nephew or neice? And when I step back from it, I realize that they are trying to be kind. They are trying to help. And maybe they really believe that Joshua will be healed. I don't. I know that Joshua was born with congenital CMV and as a result has global developmental delays and cerebral palsy. I know that a viral infection caused his head and brain to be small. These things won't be changed. Can they be? Yes. God COULD completely heal Joshua. Just like God COULD make me grow six inches overnight. But He won't. And I would never expect Him to. Because this is who I am. And I accept that. And I accept Joshua as he is, as he was created, with all his wonderful qualities and all his faults. All his abilities and all his disabilities.
And without fail, when I've fallen about as deep as I can take into this black hole, something wonderful pulls me out. Joshua smiles at me (which happens often) and I stop worrying about the future.
Or therapy goes really, really, really well and I realize that he's getting closer and closer to crawling because he's working so hard on pushing up to hands & knees. Or I figure out what he's saying and it gets him all excited that I finally got it. (Click HERE to hear Joshua talk!)
Or I hear a song that brings me to tears because it says how I feel.
(yeah, I know the video is filled with couples...but there's a few shots of a mama and her baby in there too. And if you're a mommy, you already know that most love songs apply to your baby too.)
"Cause everyone that sees you always wants to know you And everyone that knows you always has a smile You're the dream that I've been chasing after years of waiting for a chance to finally shine Everyone calls you amazing I just call you mine."
And that, my friends, is how I really feel. Most days are good, some days are terrible, some are a little of both. I'm turning the comments off on this post because sometimes it's not about getting feedback...it's just about getting something out of my own head. This is one of those times. Thanks for letting me get it out. You're great listeners. :)
with bananas and then did some jumping. He likes to jump on you while you're laying down...the only problem with this is the fact that starts on your sternum and then he jumps forward. Right onto your neck. And chokes you with his toes. 
And sometimes, he jumps right onto your face! 
Poor nana. Good thing Joshua likes to give kisses to make up for all that jumping...
is how I start my day. Jealous? :)
and more smiles....
Of course, we have our serious moments...
and sometimes there's crying. I don't have any recent crying pictures because the camera usually nips those in the bud. (Although there is plenty of "crying" when he finishes breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I say "crying" because it's usually fake. Oh, our son is a master fake crier. He can even work up tears! But he usually gives himself away when he looks out of the corner of his eye at you to see if the "crying" is having any effect.) But if you really need a picture to go along with this part of the post, you can just imagine Ben and I crying when Joshua has been up 5 times between 9pm and 1am. That happens alot. 
and definitely lots of giggles...
Yep, that's how my days usually go. 
This was Joshua sitting at a doctor's visit last week (just turned 16 months)...
Can you see the difference? :)
